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September 13, 2005

Overheard in Passing

I must be among the tiny minority of those who can't stand overhearing others' conversations.

For that reason alone, technophobe that I am, I'd rather be online than in line. At the bank or post office, I get trapped in captive-audienceville, forced to listen in on the palaver of strangers within earshot. This hardship has been exacerbated by the onslaught of cell phones, all launching ubiquitous snippets at once, on limited quotidian subjects, namely missed appointments, foiled meeting places, changed plans, lost directions, delayed trains, sudden headaches, and other principally urban laments. Little are the perpetrators aware – and less do they care – that they are literally on the air. Occasionally, however, a veritable gem zings my way, launched by one of a pair of passersby, or overheard as some out-of-context cell phone riposte.

Here are some I've recently collected. I invite you to do some public eavesdropping, and send in any humdingers you overhear. There is only one rule for this blog-a-logue: STATE 'EM VERBATIM!

Two guys at breakfast in a Tribeca diner:
"I swear I didn't have a weapon on me then, and I didn't use no weapon, ever."

Overheard on various Tribeca streets:
"Why don't you just sell the f***king building and live like a fat cat on Palm Beach?"

"Next time he calls I'm going to say I'm getting a b**w job."

"Honey, I ain't messin' with no married man."

Overheard at different times in Washington Square:

"I was so smoked I was up for two days."

"I want a sugar daddy but the only thing is he can't lay a hand on me."

"Men don't start modeling till they're 22 or 23, when they lose the baby fat in their faces; but by then, women are done."

"I was pimping for her, did I tell you that?"

And my number-one favorite of all:

"The thing I love is that for a while flying saucers were made of metal."

Posted by Jane on September 13, 2005 11:14 AM

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