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January 12, 2006

How a chess player made it to the medic

Or: how a chess player's symptom almost made it on the medical books....

My good friend Glenn experienced a chest pain recently while playing against me. Let's not call it chest pain, but chess pain.

Chess pain can be a result of inadequate exercise of the arm (to punch the clock) and it's is called angina. The condition is a risk factor for a heart attack; however, the condition can be successfully treated by reducing the amount of stupid errors, spending more time on opening theory homework and to avoid playing against me.

Coronary artery bypass surgery is an effective treatment for angina, and narrowing and prying of the files with the g-pawn on a well-timed battery ram is a good solution to your woes on the board. A backward- or double-pawn on the side of the castled king could prove to be a terminal disease if you don't take the necessary steps to avoid any type of discomfort in the endgame.

One of the symptoms my opponent experienced while under the influence of high tension on the king side pressure is blurred vision — changes in the retina — resulting in the inability to see more than two moves ahead. Of course an adverse effect to this dreadful experience is high blood pressure (also known as hypermodern hypertension). High blood pressure does not mean excessive emotional stress; however, stress can temporarily increase the blood pressure, thus giving you a "second breath" to saving the game to a dead draw.

It did not take long for my lethal injection to work on Glenn, because the attack came with a high dose of Sodium Checkliminate. "The king is dead," I proclaim "feel better?" "OK, OK. Let's start over," said Glenn.

If only diseases could be treated this way.

Posted by rene on January 12, 2006 4:41 PM

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Posted by: Hydrocodone at November 5, 2006 4:49 AM

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